Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
