i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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