It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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