Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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