angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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