if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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