I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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