Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
