He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
