Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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