he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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