she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
