I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
