I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
