We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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