I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
