Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
