why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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