Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
