Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
