Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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