this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
