can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
