That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
