Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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