We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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