i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
