YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
