It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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