people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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