So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
