shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
