it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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