I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
