dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
