Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
how does that bad decision feel?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
