My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
