So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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