Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
