No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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