i just sent this text using only my big toe
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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