I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
They have beer where we have blood.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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