I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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