Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
