I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
