We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize