do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
