You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
