So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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