my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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