Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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