Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
