it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
