I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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