It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My ATM looks so different sober.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
