My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
