Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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