I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
