He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
