is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And my parents said I crawled through the house
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My bed smells like the plague
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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